1. “I used to work at a mall at guest services. One day I get a call to come up to security, where I’m shown a video of two night guards racing around the mall in the wheelchairs that we lend out.”

4. “One time a family was in the store with their young child. They’re standing by a display when kid drops trow and poops on the middle of the floor.”

5. “I used to run a 24-hour library at night, which basically entailed occasionally answering a question, fixing machines and keeping drunks and criminals out. I had to stop a couple properly going at it against a coffee machine.”

6. “I did some base security when I was in the army. We have recordings that go all the way back for a few years, before it is dumped into the central server, but there are some tapes that have been specially kept aside for being funny/scary/weird. On one tape marked ‘fail,’ there’s a couple taking their wedding photos outside the base. The lady, wearing a full wedding dress, trips and falls right into the ditch – her dress goes from white to brown.”

9. “I’m a dispatcher for a hospital police department. My job is to sit in a box and watch cameras. I’ve seen a drunk homeless man getting kicked out of the waiting room for showing his penis to people and then stumbling out down the sidewalk. I’ve also seen people getting literally pushed out of cars in front of our ED with gun shot wounds while their friends speed off and leave them on the sidewalk to die.”

11. “I once saw a kid walking around the store, getting close to a female mannequin and then looking around to check if the coast was clear. Once he decided no one could see him, he wrapped his arm around the mannequin gave it a nice little butt rub and then started kissing it.”

12. “I worked security for a university dorm. I’ve watched drunk freshmen try desperately to act sober before throwing up in the lobby in front of me. I’ve seen someone proudly walk past carrying a life-sized, blow-up doll. I’ve witnessed a streaker rip off his bathrobe in one proud flamboyant gesture and throw it to the floor before he went racing off into the night. But the most awkward incidents are always the kids trying to ‘discreetly’ go at it on the couches. They’re located just out of sight of the security post, so people think they’re not being watched. If they would bother to detach from each others’ faces long enough to look directly above their heads, they would see a small black orb staring down at them disapprovingly.”

13. “I work at a hotel with security cameras. A dude pulled down his swimming trunks (coming from a pool) and dropped a deuce in front of the elevator.”