Question: I have been dealing with a man recently. We go out to dinner, on dates, etc. He spends the night, calls me and it feels like a relationship, but he told me when we met that he did not want to be in a relationship. We talked recently and he says that he likes me a lot, but just has a lot going on in his life and doesn’t want a relationship. I think I am falling for him. What should I do? Should I talk to him about it or just wait for him to come around?

-Tiffany H. 

Tamara says:

Tiffany, listen to what he is saying. I know that may be hard to do after all of the the relationship type things that he seems to be doing with you. His actions may be making your judgement a bit cloudy, but if he says that he does not want a relationship, there is nothing that you can do to force the issue. You did not say how long you have been seeing him, but if it is anything 90 days or less, have fun and enjoy yourself. If you are creeping up on about 6 months or so, then the conversation you need to have is with yourself. By now, if the two of you have not have an organic conversation about where the relationship is going or your individual goals for a relationship, then you can bring it up and present what you want in a relationship and in your future. Be prepared to fully listen to his response and respect his feelings and desires. If he says that he does not want a relationship, believe him! If he gives an ambiguous answer, don’t try and change his mind. Accept what his answer is and hopefully what you both want in life will align with one another. If not, you have the option at that point to move on and find what is good for you and fits with what you want for a relationship.

Good luck!


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